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The GOP Is Apparently Huge With the QVC Crowd

Once every few months, the RNC rolls out the next e-mail from Member Services pimping another retarded looking little elephant as the hook for their latest fundraising effort. Today’s e-mail, however, is absolutely the best.

Embroidered with the official logo of the RNC, Sam is decked out in red, white and blue and is sure to be the hit of your July Fourth party.

Well sure he is. Because my friends are such drooling, Neanderthal simpletons that they’re overly amused by a cheap piece of Burmese fluff. You should have seen how crazy they went when I waved a lit match in front of them. It was like the beginning scene of 2001 with the monkeys going spastic over the giant chocolate bar.

Come on, seriously. The gang at the RNC must be embarrassed to send these out. This is truly one of those “just hold your nose and do what the finance people ask” messages.

I find it hard to believe that the response to these things is staggeringly successful, but they must be. Otherwise why would an institution so crazed with appearance and pomp trot this stupid thing out for every major and minor holiday. After all, there was Max, Maxine, and Patrick. Now Sam joins the line up.

I guess it escaped the attention of the RNC that the most famous Maxine in DC is Maxine Waters. The two most famous Patricks are Kennedy and Leahy. The most famous Max is Baucus.

To be fair, moderately famous Sams include Republican Rep. Johnson from Texas, Republican Rep Graves from Missouri, and GOP Senator Brownback. However, the best known Sams in DC history were likely Rayburn and Nunn – both Dems.

Honestly, can’t the RNC do better to reward participation than hand out stuffed bears named after Democrats? Why not give away an elephants named Newt, Goldwater, or Ronald? There would be no mistaking that those were named after GOP icons.

Written by Michael Turk