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Grand Unified Theory of Trumpism

I am operating under this theory that about a year ago Trump was going to launch a new product or TV show, and he had the brilliant idea to show up at CPAC, then announce his Presidential campaign as a way to get attention for that launch. His original positions staked out ground in the far reaches of the GOP primary field. His fervent support for building a giant wall, and subsequent descriptions of a) how easy it would be and b) how easy it would be to make Mexico pay for it, were meant to resonate only with the most uninformed of citizens.But a funny thing happened: Trump suddenly found himself in the early lead for the GOP nomination.

Well this didn’t sit well. He couldn’t just sit by and watch his product launch go South because 15% of the GOP electorate are mouth-breathers. So he decided to go further afield. Let’s suggest that anyone entering the US from Mexico is a rapist. Let’s suggest banning Muslims entering the US. Let’s suggest banning Muslim’s outright. Let’s brag about our dick size in a Presidential debate. Let’s make people swear a loyalty oath with arms outstretched in a Nazi-esque salute. Let’s suggest assaulting reporters and protestors and the media. The latest report is that Trump supporters are taking to wearing arm bands. Yes, like this:

And the further along this goes, the crazier it seems to get. Why would that be?

I think the answer lies in the fact that Trump does not, and never did want, to be President. He is pushing the boundary of crazy not because he is crazy but simply because he is actively trying to go too far.

He could have just called for internment camps and gas chambers a year ago, but that would have been a single column and quick end to his campaign. He had to seem detached, but not actually unhinged. The problem is they miscalculated. They set the crazy bar too high and ended up limboing right under it. They keep lowering the bar incrementally now, but damn it if Trump hasn’t become this guy:

He keeps thinking he has gone far enough to be outed as a crazy person. He hopes, desperately, that he will be tossed like a bad Christmas fruit cake when someone realizes it’s the third of July and nobody is actually going to take a bite. Unfortunately for him, the GOP has been starved of actual leadership for so long that people are lined up with forks in hand to get a small slice of the stale cake.

If he does well tomorrow, I would not be surprised at all to see his campaign request that all their supporters start wearing brown shirts.

This is all an act. This is the depraved rantings of a guy who doesn’t want to be President. He wants to lose. He wants to get back to hawking cheap products that reek of desperation and bad brass electroplating, but dammit, you just won’t let him.

Written by Turk