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The Facebook Questionnaire I’d Like To See

After the lastest round of the “25 things” style questionnaire (in this case called, Don’t You Dare Lie), I decided to create the Facebook questionnaire I’d like to see. You see, I really don’t care what the last thing you ate was, and frankly I have zero interest in knowing what song is stuck in your head. The song that my 4 year old has permanently wedged in my brain is bad enough. I also have a problem with the fact that many of these questions don’t also include the obvious follow up.

So without further ado, I’ll throw out the 26 questions I’d really like to ask, but would be unlikely to actually answer myself.

  1. Have you ever been arrested?
  2. Were you guilty or innocent and what were the charges?
  3. Will you ever drink that much again?
  4. How much do you hate your job?
  5. How many times per day do you pray for an earthquake just to break up the boredom?
  6. How many times per day to you hope for the sweet release that only death will bring?
  7. Where did you lose your virginity?
  8. How much did it suck?
  9. If you could go back in time and give that person pointers, would you?
  10. If you could go back in time and not be such a whore (or manwhore), would you?
  11. Speaking of sex, how many kids do you have?
  12. How many did you have on purpose?
  13. How many times have you wished you had that vasectomy you joked about in college?
  14. If you could have any celebrity killed, which would it be?
  15. Would you make it painful or quick and easy?
  16. Would anyone miss Lindsay Lohan?
  17. Have you ever done drugs?
  18. Are you still in contact with the person who sold/gave them to you?
  19. Can I have their number?
  20. Do you like Internet porn?
  21. Ya, me either. How many times per day do you look at some just to make sure you still don’t?
  22. Really? That’s a lot! You’re very thorough in your “research” aren’t you?
  23. How many drinks does it take before you make really bad decisions?
  24. Want to go out tonight for drinks?
  25. How much time have you spent answering Facebook questionnaires/quizzes in a desperate attempt to regain some semblance of a connection with another human being?
  26. How’s that working out for you?

Answer these questions then send this to or tag 20 of your closest friends then prepare for them to be terrified by your answers. Be sure to tag me so I’ll be able to keep track of the implosion of your career for my own twisted pleasure.

Written by Michael Turk