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Tea with a Surprise

 So I drink a lot of tea and coffee – A LOT of tea and coffee.  So much so that buying packages of tea bags is kind of pointless.  Instead I buy great big bags of loose tea, and typically buy a bunch of them at once. About two weeks ago I bought five 8 oz bags of Starbucks loose Awake tea (like the bag pictured here from their website.)

I have some old tin tea containers I keep the loose stuff in and this morning I went to pour from one of the bags into the tin.  That’s when I heard the clank and thought to myself, “Tea doesn’t normally clank.”

Tea, you have to understand, is one of your quieter beverages in its natural state.  There typically aren’t really heavy objects in tea that would make a clanking sort of a sound. That’s one thing I really like about tea. It’s pretentiousness typically lends itself more to quiet introspection rather than noisily announcing its arrival.  That’s more of a soda thing to do.

So anyway, the clank really took me by surprise. I looked into the tin to see exactly who this tea thought it was and why it was coming around bringing all this ruckus.

That’s when I saw it.

Now, of all the things you typically don’t find in tea, hardware is typically high on the list.  The ingredient list on tea is usually pretty straightforward. It’s typically, you know, just the tea. There may be some teas that are iron fortified, but I don’t really think that’s what they mean.

In my case, the fact that my tea included anything other than tea was pretty much a surprise. I’m not talking surprise on the scale of discovering you’re a lottery winner, more like finding out that girl you were flirting with at the bar is really a dude.  The extra parts were kind of unnerving.

So I thought I would post about this for two reasons.  First, I haven’t posted in a while and felt the need to justify the money I spend on maintaining this site. Second, I thought I would throw this out there in case my friends at Starbucks are planning to include anything else in my tea – like maybe a baby mouse or a human body part (both of which, for the record, would rise to the level of lottery winner surprise.)

You see, I like my tea just with the tea in it. I don’t really feel like the piece of their processing equipment that was in my order was really necessary or appreciated.

Some may disagree. Somewhere in the US there may have been a guy who would have said, “Wow!  That is exactly the size felangee I needed to complete my time machine and finally blow this place!”

I, on the other hand, just wanted some tea.

Starbucks, do you think maybe, just maybe, next time you can make that happen?

Written by Michael Turk