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Monica Is The New Lorena

CrimeAt least Lorena Bobbitt used a knife. That would hurt, but it would leave a nice clean wound and be easy to stitch up. This poor guy is just screwed after his wife pulled off the giggleberries with her bare hands.

Howard says his 40-year-old wife Monica, who he says is bi-polar, somehow conceived the notion that he was cheating on her. So while he was asleep last night, she attacked him. … “I mean she just grabbed me all down there and yanking and yanking and tearing me up with those fingernails.”

I’ll pause while my male readers recover from the blackout they experienced due to sympathy pains.

You really need to catch the video on this. The “man on the street” clips are awesome.

Dann Cuellar: “Howard, you’re not gonna let her back in here are you?”
Howard: “Oh no, no, no. She’s in jail where she belongs.”

Written by Michael Turk