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I Am The GOP Oracle!

I jokingly referred recently to the odd dichotomy of DC laws that prevent you from voting or owning a gun, but seem to protect corruption in government. Little did I realize that my creation of a confluence of gun control and voting rights laws would be adopted by the GOP caucus as a policy agenda.

I was surprised yesterday to see the Republicans in the House tie a repeal of DC’s gun control laws to the establishment of voting rights.

The voting-rights measure, sponsored by Norton and Rep. Thomas M. Davis III (R-Va.), is a compromise that would add two seats to the House, one for the heavily Democratic city and another for the state next in line to expand its delegation — currently Republican-leaning Utah.

If [Democrats] helped pass the [gun control repeal], though, it would send the voting rights bill back to committee, which could tie it up or even kill it.

While I laughed and laughed, I felt a little ashamed. After all, I’m just a simple man trying to make my way in the universe. I was never aware that this little blog was the GOP’s basis for governance. While I’m flattered, I really must decline the role of oracle for my party – not because I am not worthy, but because I obviously mumble and they misunderstand me.

What I was asking for was some effort to tie the repeal of gun control laws, the grant of the vote, and prosecution of unethical members of their ranks into a nice tidy package. Perhaps instead of giving DC citizens the right to vote, they could, instead, give them gun and hunting permits to track down scumbags like Duke Cunningham, William Jefferson, and Mark Foley. We could establish some sort of a bag limit on dirty politicians and turn the populace lose.

Such a law would do two things. First, it would inevitably result in most of Congress spending a lot more time out of the District. If they knew a city of 600,000 was armed and looking for them, their home state might become a more attractive place to spend their days. Second, for those too foolish to get out of the city, it would thin the ranks of the inept and attract only honest and ethical leaders to this god forsaken swamp.

Written by Michael Turk