Could not authenticate you.

I Ain’t Got Time To Read

If you haven’t been to in a while, you have probably missed the most appalling development in news reporting in quite some time. CNN has actually determined that the short-form news located on their site is, in fact, too long for readers, and has begun notating their articles with call out boxes labeled “Story Highlights.”

This story about a prank involving CD players blaring profanity during church services is 183 words, but that’s way too long for CNN readers. They have the Story Highlights which breaks it down to 46 blissfully monosyllabic words.

I’m waiting to see the in another ten years. The entire article will simply say, “CD players make noise, get blown up.” Seven nice, tidy little words.

Honestly, America, do we really need Cliff’s Notes for news articles?

Written by Michael Turk