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A Brief Theory Of Time

My brother once posited a theory that the government can control time. It sounds far fetched at first, but then you have a day like yesterday and it all seems plausible. I’ll introduce the theory by posing a question. Why is it that the time you’re at work seems so long, and passes so slowly, and the time you are home in the evening seems to pass so fast?

You’re there at work. You’re cranking out projects, or obsessing on a project. It seems like you’ve been at work for hours and hours, you look at the clock, and it’s not even 11AM. You grind it out for another 6 hours (which feel like 12). Then you go home, take off your shoes, suddenly it’s time for bed, you close your eyes, and in an instant you’re alarm is going off.

So the theory assumes that the government slows down time while we’re at work during the day to get as much productivity as possible out of the work force. Since there are still only 24 hours in a day, however, they have to make up that time. So around 5:30 or 6:00 pm, they speed up the clock to double time.

When I first heard it, I assumed it was the drugs talking. My brother has taken a few, so it explained a lot. But now I’m not so sure…

Written by Michael Turk