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142 Sexual Predators Buying Girl Scout Cookies Near Me

So earlier this morning I posted about selling Girl Scout cookies online when Baby Quip gets old enough to join the cookie mafia. Since then, I have been inundated with e-mails about the prohibition in place on online sales. From the Girl Scout Cookies website:

Q: Can I purchase Girl Scout Cookies online?

A: Girl Scouts of the USA does not allow online sales but its cookie site, can help you locate cookie sales in your community. Simply visit

Q: How do you ensure the safety of Girl Scouts who sell cookies?

A: The safety and security of our members is always our chief concern. We have strict guidelines for safety. Girl Scouts, depending on their age, must be accompanied by an adult when selling Girl Scout cookies and always use the buddy system. Our youngest members, Daisy Girl Scouts, who are five and six—are not allowed to sell Girl Scout cookies under any circumstances.

Q: Why can’t Girl Scout Cookies be sold on the Internet?

A: Our existing National Girl Scout policy prohibits the sale of Girl Scout cookies or any other Girl Scout approved product on the Internet. The safety of our girls is always our chief concern. Even in supervised settings it is not possible to guarantee that the person purchasing Girl Scout Cookies harbors no harmful intent. Girl Scout Cookie Activities are designed to be face-to-face learning experiences for girls. In an online setting, there is no guarantee that the seller is indeed a girl member of Girl Scouts. We have many ways for girls to explore and experience the benefits of science and technology and the Internet, including our Girls Go Tech initiative.

Here is where the Girl Scout policy and my background in Internet technology crash into one another in an amazing explosion of outrage.

I find it absolutely amazing that the Girl Scouts are so adept at the Internet that they actually have, yet they’re so clueless about the Internet that they would post something retarded like this.

Sales online is actually much, much safer than the process they have created. If I can take an order, accept payment, and ship said order without my daughter coming into contact with strangers, that’s the safest possible sales channel.

On the other hand, the Girl Scouts allow my daughter to go door-to-door. Well here’s my problem with that:

Sexual Predators in my zip code

This is a map of the 142 convicted sexual predators in my zip code. That’s right! There are 142 people convicted of rape, crimes against children, sexual battery and other miscellaneous sex crimes in my neighborhood. The closest live within a couple of blocks.

Now, I recognize the Girl Scout policies say that kids always have to have a parent with them, and operate on the buddy system. However, as of 2000, the FBI’s National Crime Information Center reported 2,100 kids going missing every day. The number that actually stay missing is much, much smaller. However, the most likely candidate for abduction is an 11-year old with a stable family structure. So who sells Girl Scout cookies?

Q: Who can sell Girl Scout Cookies?

A: Only Brownie and Junior Girl Scouts and Girl Scouts 11-17 (emphasis mine) may sell Girl Scout Cookies. Participation in this Girl Scout program activity is voluntary.

Given that these girls are part of a sorority type organization that fosters a sense of community and civic involvement, I’m guessing they’re likely coming from homes with a stable family situation as well.

So that’s perfect. The Girl Scouts, in order to protect my 11-17 year old daughter will not allow her to sell cookies through the anonymity of the Internet, but will allow her to go door-to-door selling those same cookies to the 142 sexual predators who live near me.

Really solid thinking.

That’s unfortunately the kind of misguided thinking that most people who don’t spend much time online apply to the Internet. I’m seriously amazed at how stupid that is.

Written by Michael Turk