That feels weird to say, and even weirder to type. I keep wondering if this is even something I should be typing. I usually use this space to talk about less serious topics. However, I originally set up this blog to get stuff off my chest, and this is a doozie.
About ten years ago, my brother called to tell me dad had been rushed to the hospital with pneumonia. He had a fever of 105 and they had to stop his heart to break the fever. We didn’t expect him to survive that, but we got another decade with him.
My dad is tough. It was actually the third time he had pneumonia.
My dad had always said that no male in his side of the family had ever lived to be 80. The women all live to be 100, but the men just don’t have the stuff.
Tonight, dad suffered a massive heart attack and was gone. The paramedics attempted to revive him, and kept him functioning until he got to the hospital, but then he was gone.
I had talked to him on Thursday. He sounded good. We discussed politics, stocks, the economy, and the kids. It was a good conversation cut short by the fact that I had to make dinner.
Whenever I feel uncertain about the world, and my place in it, I call my dad. He doesn’t always have the best advice, but he’s the one person I always turn to.
Now he’s gone.
There is so much I wish I could say to him now – so many conversations we didn’t have about a million life topics. I’ll never be able to get his opinions on those things.
We were always really close. When my parents got divorced, I was too young to understand what makes people split up. I have realized since then that my dad wasn’t the greatest husband to my mom. But to me, he was absolutely the best dad.
I’ll miss you.